Why the call comes first
The FTC's first-listed lie of a romance scammer is that the person cannot meet you in person (FTC); the online version is that they cannot be seen live. A live video conversation — where she reacts to what you just said, turns to answer a question, laughs at the wrong moment — is the thing an impostor cannot supply. It is also, less dramatically, the fastest way to find out whether the two of you can talk at all. No plan to meet should be made before it, and no ticket should be bought before several of them.
On AnnaBrides calls run inside the site, so you never hand over a phone number or an account on another app to see someone's face; they are charged per minute with the meter on screen, and either side can end the call at any moment (see video dating).
When to ask
After a few good letters — enough that she knows who you are and that you have read her profile — and before anything that involves money, travel or leaving the site. Asking in the first message is too early; waiting a month is too late.
How to ask so that yes is easy
- Keep it short. “Would you like a ten-minute call this week, just to say hello properly?” A short first call is easier to accept and easier to enjoy.
- Offer her time. Kyiv is seven hours ahead of New York and one ahead of Berlin. Her evening is a US lunchtime.
- Say what it is for. “I would like to hear your voice and see you laugh” is honest and disarming; “I need to verify you” is not, even though it is also true.
- Make language a non-problem. A call gives neither of you time to look words up, so agree beforehand how you will manage. Speak slowly, short sentences, and do not fear silence.
How to run the first call
- Face a window; put the camera at eye level; use earphones if you have them.
- Have two or three things ready to ask about — from her profile or her letters.
- Ten to fifteen minutes. End it while it is still going well, and write to her the same day.
- Expect a bad connection sometimes. Power and internet cuts are part of life in Ukraine; a dropped call followed by a new time is normal.
The second and third calls
One call proves there is a person. Several calls, over weeks, prove there is a relationship: the same person, consistent about her life, comfortable with you. Plans to meet — always in a public place, always with your own travel booked and paid by you, ideally in an EU city while Ukraine is at war — belong after that stage, not before. The safety hub covers meeting in person.
When the call never happens
A broken camera, a bad connection, shyness, an old phone — once is nothing. For weeks, with a new reason each time, it is the pattern police describe: someone who showers you with affection but does not want to be seen (Met Police). At that point the missing call is your answer. You do not have to accuse anyone; simply do not make plans, do not send anything, and consider writing to someone else. The FBI's advice is blunt — if the person will not meet on video or in person, be suspicious (FBI).
A note on what a call does not prove
A live call shows you a real person. It does not show you her intentions, and a real person can still ask for money later. The rule about money — never, to anyone you have not met in person (FTC) — stays in force after the call, after the tenth call, until you have met. Verification is a habit, not an event.
Several calls are one line on the checklist we suggest going through before any trip; the rest of it covers the ticket, the hotel and the documents that stay in your own hands.
This guide is part of the AnnaBrides dating safety hub. On this site money never changes hands between members — there is no feature for it — so any request for money is, by definition, a request to leave the site.