Why the rule has no exceptions
Because the request for money is the scam. Everything before it — the affection, the story, the emergency — exists to make the request hard to refuse. The FTC puts the rule in one sentence: never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you have not met in person (FTC). It does not say “unless the reason is good”, because the reason is always good; that is the craft. In 2023 people reported losing about 1.14 billion dollars this way in the United States alone, with a median loss of about 2,000 dollars (FTC Data Spotlight). Those were, overwhelmingly, people who thought their reason was the exception.
On AnnaBrides the rule is also a fact about the site: there is no feature for sending money to a member. Letters, chat, calls and gifts are paid to the site with credits (see pricing); nothing goes from you to her as money. So any request for money is a request to leave the site, and can be treated as such.
The stories, so you recognise them
The FTC and the FBI have catalogued the common ones (FTC; FBI):
- The ticket. She wants to visit you and needs the fare, a visa fee, “travel insurance” or a customs deposit. Real travel is arranged by the traveller with her own money, after several video calls — and you can buy a ticket in her name yourself, from an airline, if the day ever comes.
- The emergency. A sick relative, a hospital bill, an accident. Painful to refuse, which is why it is used.
- The phone or laptop. “So we can keep talking.” You are talking now.
- The fee. To release a parcel, an inheritance, a delayed salary, a “verification”. Nothing real requires you to pay a fee to a stranger to unblock money owed to someone else.
- The loan. Small, to be repaid when she visits. The visit does not happen; a second loan does.
- The intermediary. An agent, lawyer, doctor or friend who will receive the money on her behalf. Action Fraud lists invented third parties as part of the fraud (Action Fraud).
And the payment methods that should end the conversation by themselves: wire transfer through a money-transfer company, gift cards, payment apps and cryptocurrency (FTC).
What to say when you are asked
You do not have to accuse anyone. A firm, kind sentence is enough, and it is also a test: a real person accepts it and the relationship continues; a scam moves on.
- “I don't send money to anyone I haven't met in person. That's a rule I keep with everyone, and it isn't about you.”
- “If you're ever able to travel, I'll be glad to book the ticket myself, directly with the airline. I don't transfer money.”
- “I'm sorry about your mother. I hope she recovers. I can't help with money, and I'd rather we keep talking.”
Say it once. Do not explain further, do not offer a smaller amount, and notice what happens next. Persistence after a clear no is the answer to your question.
“But what if she is real and really in trouble?”
Then the kindest thing you can do is still not send money, because sending it teaches both of you that the relationship runs on it. Real hardship in Ukraine is real; it is also being handled by families, employers, communities and organisations set up for it. A partner who has met you, several times, on video and in person, is a different conversation — and by then you will not be reading this page.
If you already sent something
Contact your bank or the payment company immediately — a recent transfer can sometimes be stopped (FTC). Keep the messages. Report the profile to the site (support, with the address) and to your national fraud service: ReportFraud.ftc.gov in the US, Action Fraud in the UK (FTC; Action Fraud). Do not send more to “recover” what was sent; that is a second script. And do not be ashamed. The people who write these scripts do it full-time, and they are good at it.
The rule about money is item one on the full safety checklist for international dating; the other nineteen items are the habits that make it easy to keep.
This guide is part of the AnnaBrides dating safety hub. On this site money never changes hands between members — there is no feature for it — so any request for money is, by definition, a request to leave the site.