Real red flags: stop, or at least slow down
Any mention of money
Not only a direct request. Also: hints about a bill she cannot pay, a “friend” who could help arrange a visit if only there were funds, a gift card that would make her happy, a small loan to be repaid on her visit. The FTC's rule is absolute — no money to anyone you have not met in person (FTC) — and on this site there is no legitimate way to send it anyway. Treat the first mention as the whole message.
Refusing to be seen
Weeks of reasons why a video call cannot happen, or a call in which the face is never clearly visible. A real person will show her face, on a bad connection, badly lit, laughing about it. See why the video call comes before any plans.
Leaving the site early and insisting on it
Asking you to move to WhatsApp or email is against the rules of this site: conversations stay here, and swapping contact details in letters or chat is not allowed either way. Pressing the point after that, or refusing to write here at all, is the pattern police describe in romance fraud (Met Police). The site is where the tools that protect you are.
A story that moves
Her city changes, her job changes, the number of children changes, and the change is explained only when you point it out. Ask the same question twice, a week apart.
Other people joining the story
A doctor who needs paying, a lawyer with papers to sign, an agent who can arrange the visa. Action Fraud names this pattern — fraudsters introduce other people to make the story seem real (Action Fraud).
Pressure and secrecy
Hurry, deadlines, and requests not to tell your family or friends. The FTC advises the opposite: talk to someone you trust (FTC). Anyone who asks you to keep a relationship secret from the people who love you is asking for something.
Refusing plain questions
Not shyness — refusal. “Why do you ask?” as a reply to “what do you do on Sundays?”, three times in a row.
Things that look like red flags but usually are not
- Letters that read smoother than her spoken English. Usually that is a dictionary and time to think, which she has when writing and not on a call. Ask on video how she prefers to communicate.
- Professional photographs. They are ordinary on a dating site. A reverse image search that finds the photo only on this site is fine; one that finds it under other names is not (Action Fraud).
- Talking about marriage and family early. This is a site for serious relationships; people say what they want.
- Interruptions. Power cuts, air-raid alerts and patchy internet are daily life in Ukraine. A dropped call that is followed by an apology and a new time is normal.
- Asking about your income or your home. Framed as “what is your life like?”, this is what anyone considering a move abroad needs to know. Framed as “how much could you send?”, it is money — see above.
- Being online at odd hours. Kyiv is seven hours ahead of New York; her evening is your lunchtime.
Green flags: what a good conversation looks like
Red flags are easier to list than their opposites, but the opposites exist and are worth recognising, because they are what you are actually looking for:
- She answers the question you asked, and asks one back about your ordinary life — the dog, the town, the Sunday.
- Her story stays still. The same job, the same city, the same sister, a week apart, without being reminded.
- She agrees to a short video call after a few letters, perhaps nervously, and to another one later — and the person on the call is the person in the photographs.
- She is fine with the pace you set and with the conversation staying on the site. Nobody who wants to know you needs you on another app by Friday.
- Money has never come up, in either direction, and when you mention your own rule about it she takes it in her stride.
- She says no sometimes. Opinions of her own, plans that do not fit yours, a weekend she is busy — those are signs of a life, and a script does not have one.
None of these proves anything on its own, any more than a single red flag does. Together, over weeks, they are what a real correspondence looks like — and they cost nothing to notice.
Two red flags on your own side
Being honest about red flags means looking both ways. If you find yourself hiding the relationship from family, or lending money you would not lend to a colleague, those are signs in you that the script is working. The FTC's advice to consult a trusted friend exists because a second pair of eyes sees what affection hides (FTC).
What to do when you see a real one
- Do not argue, do not negotiate, do not send “just this once”.
- Keep the messages.
- Report the profile: on AnnaBrides, to support with the profile address. Reports are read by a person; a profile that asks for money is removed.
- If money has gone, your bank first, then ReportFraud.ftc.gov or Action Fraud (FTC; Action Fraud).
Then write to someone else. One bad conversation says nothing about the next one — the habits in how to avoid romance scams make the next one safer by default.
If you want the whole picture on one page, before you book a ticket: the checklist lists twenty yes/no questions, ten about the site and ten about the conversation.
This guide is part of the AnnaBrides dating safety hub. On this site money never changes hands between members — there is no feature for it — so any request for money is, by definition, a request to leave the site.