Habit 1: never send money to someone you have not met in person
This is the FTC's one-line rule, word for word: never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you have not met in person (FTC). The FBI says the same (FBI). It works because every romance scam, whatever its story, ends in a request for money — and a rule you have decided in advance cannot be argued with in the moment. Decide it now, before you like anyone. That includes “loans”, tickets so she can visit you, fees to release a parcel, a phone or laptop, medical bills, and money sent to a “friend” or “agent” on her behalf. A separate guide covers what to say when you are asked.
On AnnaBrides there is no way to send money to another member; everything you buy is paid to the site in credits. So a request for money is always a request to go around the site, and that is how to read it.
Habit 2: keep the conversation on the site until you have met on video more than once
Police guidance notes that fraudsters like to move quickly to private messaging apps (Met Police). Staying on the platform is not about the platform's feelings; it is about keeping the tools that protect you — reporting, blocking, moderation, the record of what was said and the built-in video calls — in one place until you know who you are talking to. If someone insists on leaving before you have seen each other's faces, that insistence is the information.
Habit 3: ask for a video call early, and make it easy to say yes
A live video call inside the site is the one check a stolen photograph cannot pass. Ask after a few good letters, suggest a short call, offer a time in her time zone (Kyiv is seven hours ahead of New York), and say what you would like to talk about so it is not an interview. A real person who enjoys your letters will say yes, perhaps nervously; a pattern of reasons why a call is impossible is an answer. Our guide on the video call before any plans goes through it step by step.
Habit 4: check the photograph and the story
The FBI and UK police both recommend a reverse image search of the profile photograph to see whether it has been taken from somewhere else (FBI; Action Fraud). It takes a minute: save the photo, drop it into an image search. A professional portrait that turns up nowhere else proves little either way — good photographs are ordinary here — but a portrait that turns up under three other names ends the question. Then check the story the cheap way: ask the same plain question about her work or her town twice, a week apart, and see whether the answers agree. Our guide on verifying someone on a dating site covers what the site checks and what you can check yourself.
Habit 5: slow down when someone speeds up
Love in a week, exclusive in two, a crisis in three is the script, not a romance (FTC). The FTC suggests talking to someone you trust about a new online relationship and paying attention if friends or family are concerned (FTC). An honest person gains nothing from hurrying you and loses nothing from a slower pace. Set your own rhythm — a letter a day, a call a week — and notice who accepts it.
Three more things that help
- Protect your own details. Do not send copies of your documents, your address or your bank details to anyone you have not met; police advice is not to reveal too much online (Met Police). The site never shows your email address on your profile.
- Search the story. The FTC suggests searching the web for the type of job the person claims plus the word “scammer” (FTC). If the story is a known script, someone has written it up.
- Keep the messages. If something goes wrong, the record is what lets the site act and what a bank or fraud service will ask for.
Why men over fifty are targeted, and why that is not an insult
In 2024 more than 7,600 Americans over sixty reported losing over 389 million dollars to confidence and romance scams (IC3). Scammers target people who are careful, generous and used to keeping their word — the very qualities that make a good partner. The habits above are not a sign of distrust; they are the way a careful person stays generous safely.
If you think you are in one
Stop contact, keep the messages, tell the site (support, with the profile address), and if money has gone, tell your bank at once and report to ReportFraud.ftc.gov or Action Fraud (FTC; Action Fraud). Then read the warning signs in order, so that the next conversation starts from a stronger place.
The five habits are also the spine of a printable checklist that covers this and the rest — ten checks on the site before you pay, ten on the conversation before you trust.
If the site you are on presents itself as Ukrainian or Eastern European, how scams on Ukrainian dating sites work goes through the specific patterns — pay-per-letter abuse, ticket and visa stories — and how to check the site itself.
This guide is part of the AnnaBrides dating safety hub. On this site money never changes hands between members — there is no feature for it — so any request for money is, by definition, a request to leave the site.