The honest answer to "how long should I wait"
We are not psychologists, and this page does not pretend to be therapy. What we can say is what the question usually means and how to answer it for yourself. "How long" is really "am I ready", and readiness has visible signs that do not depend on a calendar:
- The paperwork is over. The decree is final, the house and the money are settled, the arrangements for children are in place. Dating while any of this is open is dating with one hand tied, and it is unfair to the person you write to, who will be hearing about lawyers instead of about you.
- You can tell the story in three sentences. Not the whole story — the version you would tell a new colleague. "We were married twenty-two years, we grew apart, it ended two years ago, the children are grown." If your three sentences turn into a case for the prosecution, you are not finished with it yet, and a woman reading a letter can tell.
- You know what you want next, in a form you could write down. Not "someone who is not like her". Something positive: a partner to share a house with, someone to travel with, a quiet second act. On this site the profiles ask you for exactly that, and the women's profiles answer the same question about themselves.
If all three are true after six months, six months is enough. If one is false after three years, three years is not.
You have a great deal of company
Divorce later in life is not rare. Between 1990 and 2023 the divorce rate in the United States fell for people aged 15 to 44 and rose for those 45 and older; for people 65 and over it more than tripled, from 1.8 per 1,000 married people in 1990 (NCFMR, Bowling Green State University). Whatever the number in your own country, the direction is the same: a man of fifty-five starting again is a common figure, not an exception.
He is also a common figure on this site. The serious relationships page notes that a good number of members are here after a divorce or a loss, and the over-40 page notes the same about the women: most of those over forty are divorced or widowed, with grown or nearly grown children. You will be writing, more often than not, to someone who has been through something like what you have been through. That is not a sad symmetry; it is the basis for a conversation in which nobody has to explain what a second act is.
What to say about the divorce, and where
In your profile: one sentence. "Divorced, two grown children" is complete. The site's profiles have a marital-status field for a reason; use it, and do not use the free text to explain. A profile that discusses the ex-wife is a profile about the ex-wife.
In the first letters: when she asks, or when it is relevant to something you are describing. Give the three-sentence version. Then ask about hers, if her profile says divorced or widowed, and accept the length of answer she chooses to give; the etiquette article lists a previous marriage among the topics to let her raise.
On a video call: the same, at more length if she asks. What you do not do, in any medium, is compare. "She never cooked" is not a compliment to a woman who does; it is a warning that you are still keeping score.
Why a slow format suits a man after divorce
The site is built around letters with no timer and no length limit, live chat when both of you want it, and video calls inside the site; reading replies is free and writing costs credits bought once and never renewed (how it works). For someone starting again, the slowness is the point.
- Nothing rewards speed. You can write one letter a week to one person for a month and nobody will nudge you to swipe.
- You get to be read. After a marriage that may have ended in not being heard, a letter that is answered point by point is a small, real thing.
- Distance sets a pace you cannot rush even if you wanted to. A first meeting is months and several video calls away, in a third country. There is time to notice what you are doing.
The two mistakes that are easiest to make
Both are ordinary, both are avoidable, and neither says anything bad about you.
The rebound at a distance
A woman two thousand miles away, who writes warmly and cannot yet disappoint you in person, is very easy to idealise in the first months after a divorce. The letters become the best part of the week; the video call is put off because the letters are so good. Do the opposite. Ask for a call after a few letters, as the video dating page suggests, and let the person replace the idea. If what you feel survives three calls, it is probably about her. If it evaporates, it was about the divorce, and you have found out cheaply.
Rebuilding the old marriage with a new person
The other pattern is looking for the role rather than the woman — someone to fill the space in the house. Women over forty on this site are, as the over-40 page summarises their profiles, more often than not established: a profession, a flat, parents to look after, children finishing school. A letter that describes a role to be filled will be read by someone who already has a life, and it will not be answered. Describe your life; ask about hers; see whether they fit. That is the whole method.
Money after a divorce, and the people who know it
A divorced man in his fifties is, from a scammer's point of view, a settled man with a reason to be lonely and a settlement in the bank. The script is the same one the dating safety guide describes — affection quickly, a future soon, then a crisis that only money can solve — and it is aimed at you. The defence is structural on this site: there is no feature for sending money to a member, so any request is a request to leave the site. Keep the conversation here until you have seen each other on video more than once, never send money to someone you have not met, and treat a video call that is always impossible as an answer. This is not cynicism about the women on the site; it is a rule that honest people find easy to accept and that dishonest people cannot get around.
Dating after divorce at 50, over 40, over 60: does the age change the advice?
Not the three signs; those are the same at forty-two and at sixty-four. What changes is the surrounding facts. Dating after divorce over 40, the children are often still at home and their timetable sets yours, and the marriage may have ended recently enough that the three-sentence version is still hard to say — take that as information, not as a verdict. After divorce at 50, the settlement is usually the largest sum you have handled and the reason the scam scripts above are aimed at you. Over 60, health and mobility become the first practical question, and the dating over 50 article covers how to write about them. On this site the women you write to are, by their own profiles, mostly in the same position: the over-40 page says most women over forty here are divorced or widowed with grown or nearly grown children.
Widowed, not divorced
A widowed man is often handed the same advice as a divorced one, and most of it fits — the paperwork, the three sentences, the slow format. Two things are different. There is no ex-wife to stop comparing; there is a wife to stop apologising for. You are allowed to have loved her, to say so once when the subject arises, and then to write about your life now; a woman reading "my late wife" in a letter does not read a rival, she reads a man who kept his word. And the readiness question is not "is it finished" but "is there room": can you describe an ordinary week you would want to share, rather than the week you used to have. Many women on the site are in the same position — the over-40 page's summary is "divorced or widowed" — and "widowed, four years, two daughters, a garden I have started to look after again" will be answered by someone who knows what that sentence cost. The marital-status field says widowed, and it is enough.
Children and the first trip
If you have adult children, tell them before you book a flight to meet someone from a dating site in another country, not after. They will worry; they are right to; the safety guide is a good thing to send them. If you have younger children, the timing of introducing anyone is a matter for you and, where relevant, their mother, and it belongs well after a first meeting — which on this site means well after months of letters and several calls. How a first meeting abroad works has the practical detail.
A short version
- Wait until the paperwork is done, the story fits in three sentences and you can say what you want.
- One sentence about the divorce in your profile; the three-sentence version when asked; no comparisons, ever.
- Let the slowness of letters work for you, and ask for a video call before the letters get too good.
- No money moves before you have met. The site has no way to do it, and neither should you.
- Tell your children before the first trip.